Team LOVE: Setting Boundaries

What are boundaries?

They are limits we set beyond which we are not willing to go, and beyond which whatever happens is to our detriment.

Boundaries are intentionally or unintentionally set by one's standards, values, beliefs, principles, health conditions, economic conditions, social conditions, information, age, likes, dislikes, knowledge and so many categories that make us who we are. 

For example, when single, you feel free and open to get into a relationship that will build you, then when you get married, you steer clear of flirtations and any such relationships that will destroy your marriage.

Or with a lot of money, you know you can afford so many things but with little money you know you can afford a few basic things. The wallet size here sets the limits.

Why set them?

You set them because they protect you from losing what you value. They are like hedges indicating that there is trouble on the other side. They keep you on track. 

Every healthy relationship needs boundaries, be it a friendship, a marriage, a working relationship, business relationship, name it. They all need boundaries. 

When you do not set clear boundaries for yourself or understand the boundaries someone else has set for you, you may grow unnecessarily resentful towards them because either you may feel violated yet they did not even know they were offending you, or you may offend them without knowing. 

So how do you know the boundaries others have set for you? Look back at the extent to which they involve you in their lives, or the extent to which they care about you, if they are not all up in your business, no need to be all up in theirs. If they are too guarded, then do not push!  

Boundaries change with time as well, you may grow closer to someone with time, or grow apart. Do not be resentful,  just adjust accordingly and it will give you peace. If you respect someone's boundaries, their trust in you will always grow. And you never know, the boundaries could shift in your favor. 

How do you better set your boundaries? It is wise to make time to create clear boundaries that will be respectful to both parties in the relationship. These do not need to be officially announced, they can casually be talked about, just discuss with the other party what is comfortable with you and what is not. Most of the time though, our boundaries are set unconsciously, we may not even be aware of them. But they are there, in likes and dislikes, comforts and discomforts. An uncomfortable conscience is a clear indicator that a boundary or two have been crossed.

What happens when they are crossed? Just try to reconcile the situation, analyzing what has happened and salvaging any damage that has been caused the best way you can.

Why respect your boundaries? Your boundaries comfortably contain who you are, therefore when you repeatedly violate them or allow them to be violated, you slowly lose a grip on your standards which easily spiral downwards into bouts of depression, self pity, anger, resentment and all these unnecessary dark emotions. You may even lose a healthy respect for yourself and start being a poor steward of your blessings, strengths and talents. 

I am not saying be conceited and full of yourself, no. Let's be humble and be willing to make sacrifices for the good of those who need our help and for God's glory. But still let us be good stewards of our bodies which are the LORD's temple, our souls, which are precious to in His sight, and our spirits, our very essence. 

These need to stay in good condition so that we can easily rejoice in the LORD always.